This could be a long list. A very long list. As much as we love guys, they have SO many incredibly annoying habits. This selection is based on some of the guys I have dated or shared a house with. They probably wouldn’t recognise themselves in it, guys being oblivious that they have any faults.
1. Snoring
I could write an entire blog on this. We all know what it’s like, don’t we girls? They keep us awake for hours and then have the cheek to complain when we kick them out of frustration! It’s enough to drive you to murder, isn’t it? If we could get an all-female jury, a not-guilty verdict would be 100% guaranteed …
2. Their obsession with sport
Men will watch any sport, no matter how obscure, as long as it’s not skating (too girly). They’d flick through 500 cable channels and watch the International Toenail Cutting Championships if it were the only sport on.
3. Their belief in the Toilet Paper Fairy
They think it unnecessary to ever purchase any paper as the Toilet Paper Fairy magically replaces each roll before it runs out. Strangely enough, these fairies never reside in all-male households.
4. They assume that women are congenitally incapable of performing any DIY task
Men would rather risk their lives attempting to fix something than admit that their wife/girlfriend could complete the job far more quickly, efficiently and cheaply. The human equivalent of males marking their territory.
5. Their failure to understand the importance of foreplay
Look guys, we all know you can go from 0-60 in a nanosecond, but we need a little more time than that to get going. Nay, a lot. It’s just how the female body works. Get used to it before we all give up, go gay, and the human race dies out.
6. Believing that they can defend their woman against any threat
Boys, we are far better equipped to deal with anyone who hassles us than you are. We have stilettos. We have hormones. Any fool that bugs us when we are in the grip of pre-menstrual rage will be toast before you can even blink.
7. Their inability to purchase their own underwear
You’re always telling us that men’s clothing is so much simpler, and that women don’t need half the clothes/shoes/accessories that we have in our wardrobes. So why is it so difficult for you to nip to the store and pick up a pack of boxers? Clue – your mother was still buying them when you were 25. You no longer live with your mother. Get shopping.
8. Their preoccupation with going bald
If so much as a single hair falls out, they panic. Look, if it goes, it goes, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. This panic is presumably explained by the fact that the likes of Sean Connery and Bruce Willis are cited as examples of sexy bald men.
9. Facial hair/stubble
Don’t. Please don’t. Very few man suit a beard. If you want to be known as Beardy Weirdy, then by all means go ahead. Be warned, it will not win you any female admirers, as kissing an unshaven man is like kissing a hedgehog.
10. Still playing computer games or buying comic books
Not acceptable over the age of 15, and certainly not over when you’ve long since passed 30. Attending conventions is also absolutely and completely prohibited. The only exception is Asterix, because Asterix is cool, and you can read it in French and look clever.
So add to the list, girls – I know you can come up with so many more items … please share!
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