Monday, March 29, 2010

11 Ways to Deal with Your Jealousy

11. Observe other couples

Sometimes it’s easier to realize what you’re doing wrong when you observe it from a third person view. Look at other couples around you and observe them. I’m sure you’ve seen men and women both who display some form of jealousy in public. Sometimes it’s in the look and sometimes the actual actions and usually, it’s over something very trivial. When you are able to observe and understand the signs of jealousy in others, you will probably recognize it in your own words and actions and do something to alter that.

10. Give him space

Suck it up and let your partner go out with the gang. You don’t have to play chaperon all the time. Know that he/she is an adult and need their space sometimes. Jealousy often arises because one partner is scared that the other will cheat on them. If you’re in a healthy relationship, this doesn’t need to be a concern. When it does become an issue, I don’t think that this would be considered a viable relationship anymore

9. Develop trust in your relationship

Dealing with jealousy involves developing a strong sense of trust in your relationship. In order to have a successful relationship, there needs to be trust. You have to trust the other person will make the right choices when you aren’t around. If you can’t trust the person you are with, then you need to figure out why this is. Usually the other person has to give you a good reason to not trust him/her. Maybe this occurred through past actions or words. Not having anything untrustworthy to recall will mean that you are being jealous for no reason at all.

8. Get your partner to show you how you are acting

If you have your partner demonstrate the way you have treated him/her, when you are displaying jealousy, this will make it easier to understand why it is a frustrating behavior. When the tables are turned, it tends to feel different. This method may work for some people. There are others that this still seems completely normal to and they still don’t understand why it is frustrating to be on the receiving end.

7. Have strong self-esteem

Jealousy can arise from having low self-esteem. Do you feel secure with yourself? Are you afraid that your partner is going to leave you because of qualities you feel you lack? A lot of this is just in your head. If your partner happens to look in the direction of another person of the opposite sex, this doesn’t mean that he/she is thinking about leaving you for that person. Remember that there is a reason why you’re partner is with you and at the end of the day, no one is perfect and everyone has shortcomings. So concentrate on improving your self confidence.

6. Communicate often

Communication is an excellent method of dealing with jealousy. Engaging in a discussion with your partner on why you feel jealous and when this feeling arises can help to shed some light on the issue. Some people hide their jealousy and it eats them up on the inside. By letting your partner know that certain situations are hard for you, such as seeing him/her talk to another person of the opposite sex, then you two can work around this. If you don’t talk about this, then there’s no way your partner can help you overcome your feelings. So remember, talk more, argue less!

5. Don’t compare everything

You can’t compare yourself to someone else, nor your partner to another person’s partner. Each person is different for a reason. And while it is a common fear, looking at another person and feeling inferior to them is basically ridiculous. Many people are afraid that their partner will find someone better than them. If your partner was interested in someone else, you’d know it. You both probably wouldn’t be in a relationship together, if that was the case. Making comparisons between physical attributes, financial situations, or any other characteristics that you are insecure about will only nag at your inner-self. The world is made up of many different types of individuals and if it wasn’t, this would be a very boring place.

4. Turn jealousy into a positive emotion

Become motivated instead of aggravated. If your jealousy stems from the fact that you feel inadequate,there’s nothing that says you can’t change that. Go for it! Dealing with jealousy over something that you can change is just plain silly. Appearances are easily changed, if that is what you are fretting over. Different clothes can be bought, hair color can be changed, hitting the gym every now and then will help sculpt your physique. If appearances are really that much of an issue for you, then find a way to create the appearance you want, instead of being jealous of someone who has what you want.

3. It’s okay to ask questions

It’s alright to ask questions as long as it doesn’t turn into an interrogation. This sort of falls under the category of communication but involves asking more questions as opposed to simply chatting. If you have doubts in your mind, ease them with a few questions. Don’t go crazy for every little detail though.

2. Don’t assume

If you automatically assume the worst about your partner, then this is a lack of trust. Is there anything that has happened that would make you not trust your partner? The mind is very good at making things out to be as horrible as possible. For example, let’s say you come home and your partner isn’t anywhere to be found. You call his/her cell phone and there’s no answer. There doesn’t seem to be any note left for you either. You think the worst, right? The brain of a jealous person often thinks of these as signs of cheating. They don’t stop to consider that maybe the car broke down, the phone battery could have died, the note blew under the stove. There are so many possibilities. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt

1. Figure out why you are jealous

Is it due to something that happened in the past? Maybe a bad breakup in the past? Are you scared of what might happen if you aren’t overly cautious? Sometimes there is a well known issue from the past that triggers extreme jealousy. If a person had a previous relationship where he/she was cheated on by their partner, this causes doubt in their mind. They automatically think that anyone they engage in a relationship with is going to do the same thing.

Learning how to deal with jealousy before it destroys your relationship is the ultimate goal for most people. There are quite a few people who don’t realize that they are the jealous type or they are in denial about it. Have you ever observed any signs of jealousy in yourself or your partner? What did you do about it?